SOUTHERNERS SPORTS CLUB

The first 15 a side game for the Southerners in some time got off to a shaky start with a late venue change and an apparent lack of players.

After 1hr 45mins stuck in a cab with Skinny, Kirk and Josh we were left scratching our heads when we saw a small pitch with no posts, lines or teams…..we had to wake our cabbie at every set of lights.

However, we mustered a total of 22 players turned up for us (23 if you count a very hungover Darell who pleaded not to play), and the game started well, with a new look back line and a strong forward pack (thanks to the Japanese and 2 Thai friends of Jean’s).

In the opening 5 minutes we were over for the first 5 pointer of the day. Jean won the line out and Carl ran off the back to score, carrying 3 Thais with him. Wagga was a little disappointed as there were no posts so his Jonny Wilkinson impression was left waiting for another game. The second try came from sustained pressure on their line and a forward drive I think – can’t remember!

The running battle between Carl and the heaviest Thai player ever (Morca) was partially comical. Carl ran through him, stepped him and when they finally collided Carl (aided by 30kgs of ass) bounced 2m back, spun and made a break through the line throwing players off like lice.

The second ? was uneventful with Southerners making many changes to test combinations. Both sides went at each other hard and we did well with some scrambling defense and pressure at the set piece. Scrums were look strong.

In the third ? we asserted more pressure and good field position eventually paid off when someone scored in the right corner from a charge down scramble.

New boy Ian scored the try of the match in the fourth ? (the backs performed yet another brilliant attacking raid from a set piece practiced at training, sending Kirk on a looping 30m bust, he drew two players in and threw a great ball to Ian under pressure and he raced the last 30m to score in the corner.

The last try was set up by Kirk again with a break down the far side (in front of the B.C crowd) after another set move, and kicked ahead. Callum chased as we all wondered what for…the ball bounced, the B.C lost control and Cal picked it up to score.

Great game and many positives to come out of it. Lineouts were very good at times. Scrums were also very good at times – must settle on the combination.

Spec mention goes to Carl-3 points, Reed 2 and Jean 1.

Thanks to the great supporting Southerners crowd who were there in numbers. The injuried boys who helped out (Ritchie and Josh) and the dad (Alistair Dean) who ran on the field to protect his son Gareth (who had probably already whacked someone himself?).

This article is long enough so I wont go into any more detail.

Cheers,

Reed

And footnotes from Wagga:

Firstly what a fantastic day Sunday turned out to be. From being mid-week and wondering if we had enough for a team and unsure of the format, to playing a full game of 15s with 22 players, numerous supporters, wives and girlfriends, parents and siblings all making a TREK to Hicksville – and putting in a decent display. Outstanding Southerners Spirit!

Special mentions go to:

Supporters: All wives, girlfriends, parents etc. Those that don’t have a significant other playing but still showed up to watch and support – Stanners, Amanda, Hanna Livesey’s friends, and of course a rugby supporter from way back and singer of note – Andy Minnitt.

New Players:
Gareth Dean from Patana and Lions – great first game with the ‘big boys’
Jack & Gook from Thailand.
Friend’s of Jean’s – both showed promise in the forwards
Iain from Harrow via England – Magic display in the wing showing us how to run on to a ball and how to eat opposite numbers
Carl (J-Lo) Stephens from In Zid who used is posterior to good advantage and bounced off 14 different players on his way to scoring a couple. Showed us how to play.
Wazza – the pasty white Aussie with big legs who has never played rugby before and stood on the left wing for half a game, caught some difficult balls, attempted a couple of passes and almost scored. Even copped some nice down home abuse to make him feel welcome. Well done Wazza.
Old Players Back: Dave Rimi who smashed it up in the middle in maybe his best ever display despite not eating any food for 5 days (true)
‘Henry’ Rollin Miller, longest serving rugby Southerner who locked the scrum so hard Houdini wouldn’t have made it out
Injured Players Supporting: Baron Perkins who is looking at a world record comeback of 3 months from an amputated ankle (almost) – looked after the forward
Jet Black who had 18 CAT scans after concussion which found nothing (literally) – ran the line

A bottle of port, a broken ankle, concussion, a lost phone and camera, dominos and a tour sponsor missing in action pretty much sums up a whirl wind tour to Ho Chi Minh City. And yes amongst all this there was a game of rugby.

The ten man tour party left Suvarnabhumi around midday on Saturday 28 June for the Saigon HTFU Tour. Boots, mouth guards all packed and a French translation book so we could understand all our French teammates.

Our tour sponsor Pascal kicked off his MIA tour by being late and proceeding to sit in the business class lounge with our Southerners ringer Maximus Decimus Meridius (don’t hate him because he is French, hate him because he is a Banger). Jean (or as Steel decided to call him ‘Wrangler Jeans’) our tour party organizer also turned up late, but in his favour he did have all our tour kit, which he managed to completely cover with his companies logo, Wrangler, sorry, I mean IOTA, logo – its all about branding right.

With four out the ten man tour party French it is not surprising that Steel quiet rightly thought he was in the Tour De France rather than on a rugby trip. He bought a bottle of port after proclaiming it as a performance enhancer because “it opens your airways” – you’d have to be English, from Hull and spent most your life biting a pillow in the Navy to believe that one!

However, after touching down at the HCMC airport Steel some how convinced everyone that it actually worked. So on the way to the game the bottle was passed around for a scull. We had to prize the bottle out of Bai’s hand who took quiet a liking to “opening his airways.” And even Uncle Vaughan was enjoying it, but that’s only because he wasn’t playing. Our opposing player and tour guide Chris got amongst it – quite impressive.

With only nine players the Geckos kindly let us borrow there best seven players, and while getting changed it was decided that we had to finish the port. Talk about drug testing in sport�we were lucky we weren’t breath tested.

It was decided that we would play three 15 minute quarters of ten aside rugby (Does that make any sense??). After hearing that we were all hoping Steel’s theory was true!

With a tight opening ten minutes we broke the deadlock after a great burst down the blind by Josh from halfway, fed it into Steel on the 22. He did one of his trade-mark off loads and after the ball was fed into the middle of the field we were under the posts and 7-0 up before the injuries kicked in. First it was Josh who got face planted over the sideline but managed to get up and wipe the dirt off. Minutes later he was back on another dart down the blind with an open try line in front of him but one of the Geckos managed to collar him from behind. After landing on his head Josh was so concussed that he thought he was a Coke factory worker. Off to the hospital for Josh, with a sore head, no memory of the game and a CAT scan.

Next down was the big pom Steel, who decided to chip and chase for himself (should have passed it Steely). Regaining and looking like he could score, Steel got taken down by a Japanese guy on a Kamikaze mission who dove at his ankle. Going down in a heap, he started screaming like a little girl crying for his mother. I’d hate to see him at war!

So with two star players gone and more and more of our side looking like the Gecko C team little hope was left for a win. Darrel in between breathing for air like he was suffocating managed to keep putting his body on the line. Especially when a 120kg prop wound up and headed straight for the Scotsmen – I think he decided it was more effort to get out of the way so Darrel threw himself at the guy (something Wagga and his Spider would have been proud of). Let’s just say Darrel got steam rolled but too his credit somehow – I think through praying, he managed to stop him.

With a lot of backs out of the game Laurent, Jean and Max tirelessly trucked up the ball while Bai smashed everything insight and showed some silky skills when moving to first five even if he had a second five outside him who kept on tucking and running (I won’t name names).

Game over and the tour was about to really kick off. After sinking a few beers with the Geckos, who were a great bunch of guys, we were on the bus to our seven star hovel, sorry hotel. Then the biggest hit of the day actually went to our bus driver who managed to skittle one of the thousand motor-bikers in our path. We’re sure he was fine.

From the hotel we were off to the after match function organized by the Geckos. Although when we got there it was first things first – the fines session. Fines master was Steel who was limping around like a poof with his bandage on. The French boys were fined – for just being French and everyone else all copped a few as well. Maximus got to wear Jeans girlfriend’s (which one you ask) aqua coloured hot pants for the evening after wearing white shorts in the game. Kylie Minogue look alike for sure – the boys took great entertainment in smacking his ass while half the Geckos thought he was gay and the other half just shrugged and put it down to him being French.

At a bar with two hours of free piss was always going to carnage especially when the designated beer bitch was a Maori with an eye for free sh:t. All the boys were kept well stocked up, starting with beer and then moving to the rum – obviously all down hill from the rum. Steel was incapacitated and confined to the bar trying to get Geckos hammered which he successfully did to Big Willie, a 140kg South Korean that could barely say his name by the end of the night. With 20 minutes to go on the free piss the boys were on there way – the Frenchies were talking French and well the rest of us were just talking a whole lot of sh:t.

Drinks started to be ordered in rounds of 10, then rounds of 15 and then with one minute to go the bar breaker – a round of 24 drinks were ordered�.needless to say I think happy hour ended up losing money, well done lads!

With a bit of kitty money tucked into Darrel’s pocket we were off to an Aussie bar to get messy. $300 US goes pretty fast when you’re buying rounds of 10 bourbon and coke every five minutes. From there the night gets a bit blurry but there are some bits and pieces some people remember, like Darrel sitting at a bar playing Domino’s with Russians, Steel absolutely hammered deciding he’d go to hospital at 2am and get his ankle x-rayed. His reason for going after a night out was so he could drink on Sunday rather than waste time at the hospital. He lay down on a bed to get it looked at, an hour later he woke up with a cast on his leg. Now that’s tough walking around all night on a broken ankle. HTFU Award goes to Steel.

By the time everyone had woken up around 12pm we did a bit of an audit, Laurent lost his cell phone, I’d lost my fourth camera in six months and we’d lost our French sponsor Pascal. So rather than dwell on it Vaughan called for a Saigon pub crawl. It wasn’t much of a pub crawl because we ended up sitting at the second bar for the rest of the day. By now we were down to Bai, Josh, Steel, Darrel, Vaughan, Maximus and myself. Maximus Decimus Meridius was doing the hard yards for the Frenchies with Pascal still MIA and Jean and Laurent off touching themselves or each other, not sure what or who came first.

Much like the previous night the day started to get a bit hazy – must have been the smoke in the air from all the buses Steel. Beers, then cocktails, followed by red bull and vodka, whisky and sprite – need I say more. Rather than taking in the historic sites we managed to sit by the door of the bar and get approached by every street hawker in HCMC. We filled in the afternoon by buying stupid things off the street. Josh bought enough books for a year – he’ll probably have to get his wife to read them out loud given that the CAT scan couldn’t even find a brain.

But the moment of the day came when Darrel and Maximus showed there true feelings for each other and had a pash. Darrel lost connect four to one of the waitresses who was giving us some quality banter all afternoon. I can’t remember what she had to do if she lost – perhaps it was sit under our table for half an hour and entertain us. Darrel who was always going to lose had to kiss Maximus – I’m still wondering what Max got out of the bet, it was beautiful.

A few of us a bit drunk stumbled onto the plane while Steel got the wheel chair treatment after lying to the airport that he had a cast on because of ligament damage. If it was a break he wasn’t going to fly. A cast for ligament damage – no wonder terrorists get past airport staff�not the sharpest tools in the shed are they.

Anyway if you’ve read down this far you’ve done well. Great tour, well organised so thanks Jean, Pascal and Darrel for all the hard work. For the Southerners that didn’t make it because you were cuddling on the beach with your girlfriends or touching little boys down the back of a dark soi – too bad you missed an awesome trip and you need to Harden The F#&K Up for the next trip.

Over and out. J Lo.
(Winner of the Worlds Best Ass)

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Southerners Gold Saturday: By Kirk ‘Kamikaze’ Kahu

The tour started off too early on a beautiful Saturday morning. Mark was early and so was Bob, had they just stayed the night in Nana and not gone home? The tour really started when Marty drove up on a tuk-tuk; the real driver was in the back and Marty was grinding the gears trying to get out of first. Whiteness dawned the drivers face and I have a feeling Marty had given this tuk-tuk driver the ride of his life. The only other highlight from that drowsy morning was the sight of 12 women joining the bus. No they were not Nana women they were a ladies rugby team from Singapore. In typical fashion Jay met us on the way out stating ‘I sleeped in’, with who we don’t know?

After a drowsy two and a half hour ride down to the tournament we learned that our first game would start after beer thirty, 12:30. Why had we left so early? Sleep came to many and a slow, hot, sweat dripping day began as the Gold team waited to play. From the beginning the gauntlet had been laid down; win the tournament or walk away losers. This of course was not said but after a strong second place showing at the Bangkok 10′s and an elite southerners team creatively put together by the powers that be; Wagga, Reed and Neil, we knew what we had come to Pattaya to do.

Our first two games were played well. We defeated the opposition with strong play from both our backs and forwards. After defeating the opposition by an average score of over 30 and felt good except for the loss of one of our star players. Richie had been incredible from the beginning. His huge hits off the initial kick-offs set a tone for the usually slow starting Southerners, we were here to play hard from beginning to end. In the second game Richie had been playing his typical phenomenal rugby when the accident happened. Richie had broken through the line and was on his way to scoring a try when he was tackled from behind. The initial pop was appropriate for the injury that he suffered; a separated ankle, spiral fractured fibula, and torn ligaments. We all watched in silence as one of our greatest gladiators was removed from the pitch by ambulance. The gladiator did not yell or scream but seemed angry that he had not scored and would not return to the pitch that day. All of us were reminded that we were not invincible and lucky to be on the sacred pitch where men hit men and a battle is fought for love of the game.

Needless to say the last game was our toughest. We fought hard and valiantly and defeated a quick, intelligent Thai team who until then had destroyed all their previous opponents. A special note must be made about our only true import player Kibble. As a scrum-half he played extremely well distributing the ball while still keeping the opposition on their toes with the possibility that he might explode through the line on his way to another try. Did he score 4 , 5 or 6 tries in the first day? I lost count.

The evening started well with a huge fining session seeing everyone getting a little liquored. People drank for tries scored, hits made and very stylish rugby shorts. The evening progressed to walking street to an excellent Irish pub called Kilkenny’s. More drinking and general merriment followed with other teams from the tournament joining us. We would have continued on to the other delights of walking street except for the pink invasion. One of the girl’s teams from the Philippines was on their first tour and had decided that it was an intelligent decision to wear pink lingerie out to the bar. Not a man, married or gay, would have left the bar with these beauties prancing around in so little. The night continued on the porch and eventually moved inside were the band played with the pink invasion on stage doing their best pole dancing routines. Who needed walking street when it was all happening in Kilkenny’s. The waitresses were even walking around giving away free shots. I love rugby tour.

Eventually the pink celebration ended at Kilkenny’s and the party moved on to Lucifer’s. My running mates, Sultan and Callum were ready to dance. Sultan kicked his grove and Callum nicked off with a cute little Thai to do a little dancing at the front of the club. At 3 am the night was slowly coming to an end but as my weary mates and I slowly stumbled out of the party we noticed a couple of senior members of the club Jay, Steele and a few women (girl’s team) still shaking their ass. What a team, it’s usually the youth who carry the party into the waning hours of the evening but here we were watching the old guard in full swing with not a thought to the hour or the next day, oh, what a great club I play for.

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Southerners Black Sunday: By Mike ‘do-Scooby-doo’ Harding

Southerners Black strolled onto the field on Sunday having put the trials of a day and night in Pattaya behind us, and knowing that our team was going to be facing some serious challenges that day. Now that the group stages were almost finishing it would be time for the knockout games and there was some tough opposition out there. A few knocks and bruises being shrugged off all round, but otherwise the team were in good shape. Sinclair secretly hoped that Momo might throw a line-out straight today and Smithy was just hoping that the front row was going to be able to stand up after Saturday night in Walking Street. Driscoll looked the worse for wear after a night of Russian hookers and chundering, but was more than up to the task in his last game.

The day started with a first game against the mighty Shrewsbury school SHARKs. A fairly big and mobile team, but who we hadn’t seen much of the previous day and were looking like contenders in their funky shirts. A few big lads in the opposition and the Bomosaurus called for another day of Ruck and Roll.

Southerners Black received and took the game straight to the SHARKs. Some serious scrummaging from the Black pack and the SHARKs were being worn down. Perhaps Marty had spiked their Gatorade. Either way, Blacks were holding them off. Also, Steele now without his trademark granny panties was catlike in the centre and punishing in the tackle. A comfortable victory for Blacks (who stopped counting after the first try) and the day was starting to shape up well.

Then there was a break. There were some Golds games, but thankfully no breakages, and then the Golds went off for rub downs and poolside cuddles while the Blacks were left wondering when we were supposed to be playing next.

Finally the word came through that it would be Kasetsart 2. They proved to be formidable opponents, with some fairly serious running capability and in true Thai style mixed up in the backs. So much so that the Horseman ended up chasing down their winger, narrowly missing catching the bugger for K2′s first try. K2 put up a spirited game, pulling ahead through a combination of fitness and years of climate and altitude preparation. Although sadly they couldn’t see their way to shake hands after the game and simply walked off the field. Poor show chaps.

After losing to K2, things were about to get a lot tougher for the Blacks as we moved into the Bowl competition and timing started to play a part in the games. The next challenge was once again against the Bangkok Japanese, who had been played on Saturday, and this time we were sure they would be up for blood, and not the least bit interested in Hari-Kiri.

The Bangkok Japanese, or BJ as they shall be affectionately known are a strong side. Sinclair after another game with the Chang Mai Tiggers was a bit bruised but still had enough gob left to repeat Saturday’s pep talk – they run straight and we just have to smash ‘em. Nice one Cam, inspirational stuff. Following with his own brand of motivational speaking, Andy ‘Bomo the War Elephant’ Thompson said something about a truck roll, or was it Ruck and Roll? Whatever the story, Blacks were responding well to the encouragement and took to the field with renewed frenzy this time.

The game started well, but true enough, the BJ were holding straight, hard and true. A lot of time was spent in midfield turnovers, and some shocking rucking from both sides. Redmond stepped up to take on the 2nd row battle and put up a mean fight in the middle before catching an injury. This game had a lot more tempo about it, and the BJ danger men of Kitah, Teru and Tomo were being shut down by the Black forward pack, with Callum heroically cleaning up any stragglers at the back. Momo still couldn’t throw straight though.

Then it happened.

Wearing a bright red pair of Cinderella rugby shoes (not to be confused with the ones he wears down Cowboy), the War Elephant suddenly appeared ball in hand, charging down the left flank leaving BJ’s advances in his wake. Dr Ek paced in support the whole way, but Bomo had other things on his mind, and was moving so fast that Ultan could only take a picture of his boots. Never before had such a turn of pace been seen since Driscoll was caught without his bus ticket. Bomo charged the line and scored a fitting first try after 8 years playing at Southerners. Nice one.

All in a hard fought victory by the Blacks with some good spirited handshakng between both teams afterwards.

No sooner had Blacks sat down to take a well earned rest than we were told we would be on next. Something about some other team wanting to go home early? Suitable expletives were exchanged by all involved and over 40 litres of water consumed in that 20minute break. Redmond and Smithy had a brainwave and roped in Kitah, Tomo and Teru. Unfortunately they looked worse than most of the Blacks and had just sculled their first beer. But, with a focus and determination that would have made Momo throw a line-out, they jumped into their shirts and took the field against the Vientiane Buffaloes for the Bowl final.

The final was a hard fought affair, with Blacks on the back foot most of the game against a mobile and aggressive VB side. Scrums were not working out too well, and even using the combined might of the mighty Justin and Smithy, things were proving to be a challenge. It was not going to be a day to roll over and squeak though, as Momo threw a straight line-out and Callum ran in a great try, ducking and weaving between men who had consumed Callum’s bodyweight in breakfast that day. Marty was so pleased he leapt, punching the air in delight, in a true Fame/YMCA moment. The last gasp challenge was led by Southerners Blacks’ very own crazy buffalo – JP – who with ball in hand made a 35yard drive up the middle of the pitch from a tap penalty, finally being stopped half a yard from the line by 4 of the VB pack, then sneaked in the try under their shoelaces to give Blacks a well earned consolation try.

Overall a tough final that the deserving Buffaloes won, and Blacks walked away, heads held high having fittingly completed their first tournament as a team.

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Tour Report by Sultan ‘of Swing’ Ariffin

The Southerners touring team to phuket 10′s 2007 was single handedly put to gather by Mark “Skinny” Anderson, I would say, preparations were drafted out weeks before and they were well executed too, so before I carry on with this report I would like to thank skinny for taking the responsibility upon himself and leading the southerners to Phuket. THANKS SKINNY.

The boys gathered at phuket airport on Friday night itself, arrival time varied from early morning(Skinny) to 10pm at night(Kirk and me) and the boys whom arrived earlier graciously waited for the late boys to turn up, thanks again gentlemen. We were informed that the ride to our guesthouse would be about an hour long five minutes into the ride and Bob immediately shouted out with military precision “Jean, tell the driver to stop at the next 7-11, we can’t do an hour long drive without Beer!” and the message was relayed and the van stopped for us to recharge, Kirk called out an order of chips and Andy decided to teach him the proper way of calling chips as crisps! As, in jolly old England chips would be bought at a chips shop and these variety of potatoes are known as crisps, he did not say much after realizing that the packet say potato chips as well, the rest of the ride had a variety of conversations ranging from American history, Diamond pricing, Platinum jewelry, Andy enquiring about a lady whom turns out to be Callum’s Mum and the French men slept throughout the ride.

We arrived at the Little Buddha Guest House, nice place though but I did hear moans of disapproval from the boys when we realized that we had to climb a few flights of stairs just to get the rooms, but the southerners took it all in and went on to dump the luggage in their respective rooms. We regrouped at the lobby for the night out and we already had a few casualties whom succumbed to weariness and slept, the remaining lot headed out to Soi Bangla’s Aussie Bar where the other teams are supposed to be gathering. The night went on with more booze and partying, the team was very much ready for the next day’s tournament, in true southerners’ fashion.

During the course of the night, Bob and Andy was discussing about having a new style of play where the backs play in forwards position and vice-versa, it sounded fun and the fellows around were having a thought about the outcome of the game and smiling to themselves, I would say it was the beer talking.

Day 1
Our first game of the day was against Royal Selangor Club, a.k.a The Dogs from Malaysia. As a Singaporean there was some personal rivalry involved in the game for myself, it’s something like the Aussie – Kiwi, English-French rivalry. The southerners paced in to the receiving end donning our traditional black jerseys and the dogs were in white, the whistle blew and the ball was kicked to us, jean caught the ball and the ruck was formed, I don’t remember much of the game as a man I can only do 1 thing at a time and that was to play rugby then, so there were a lot of hard tackling and crashing, when we were advancing, the ball was offloaded to Kirk and as to what he says, “if I see a try I will take it” he scored a try, his try was not converted and right after that, a white chick was suddenly seen in the field wearing the dogs jersey, I was really confused and no I was not under the influence of alcohol, so do I tackle her or touch her and move back 5 meters, anyway bob did give her a hard tackle during a ruck which send her flying back a few meters. Dave came on for someone and on his first touch of the ball he scores a try and it was converted, so when the final whistle of blown, we had won the dogs 12-5, they did score a try at some point of the game. So the tour was looking good for us as the first game was victorious and our next game is in about 3 hour’s time.

Next up we were against the Thai Barbarians. We were kicking to them and Jean was seen telling every one of us to hit hard as he could not hit them hard as the babas manager is his ex-girlfriend’s father!! We knew we had a lot of hard tackling to do and also to keep our defensive line in a very tight line as the Thai Baba’s are known to be very good at breaking loose defensive and scoring, and they did the same form of play during our game as well, we did our best to hold our lines and also to do some attacking, the entire game was very intense Kirk scored again and it was converted, final whistle blown, Thai Babas 10- Southerners 7.

We went back to our camp defeated and our next game had a few more hours and we were to be up against Wanderers RFC from Singapore, and again being a Singaporean I had a personal rivalry against them too as I have played against them in Singapore and lets just say we don’t see eye to eye, the boys did a variety of different activities while waiting for the next game, most slept, ate, went to the beach for a dip Dr.Ek was seen trying to take pictures of woman sunbathing topless! So on and so forth.

The southerners’ final game of day 1 of the tour was up next and then it’s off to the bars for a cleansing ritual which involves beer, I don’t know which of one the two activities we were looking forward to.

The game against the wanderers did not go well as we had expected as there was a word that a lot of foul play from their side was left unnoticed by the referee, I got elbowed right on my face intentionally and I was knocked out for a while and the ref did not even care to see if things were alright, a few of the boys were also given the same treatment. Nevertheless, We played our game and tried to keep our defensive line but the Wanderers just happened to be at one of our weak spot and they took the chance to score a try against us and they converted it too, we tried hard to make a come back but we could not and the game ended with the Southerners 0 and the Wanderers 7, emotions were running wild from the French side of our camp and the ref was searched high and low by jean as he wanted to ask the ref if the ref has sworn his allegiance to the wanderers and there was a lot of mistakes being pointed out and frustrations being hurled across the team by a few players, all I could think to my self is, lets just stop talking about a game which is already over, all of us tried our best, there are bottles of beer out there with the southerners name written on it, lets do what all southerners do best and that is to raid the local bars and make sure they run out of drinks by the time we are gone. Things subdued by as we changed into our singlet.

Team Captain Skinny suggested we catch the Australia vs. Wales game as it was still going on, we all boarded the phuket hybrid versions of taxi/tuk tuk and we ended up in our guest house, we washed up and a few of us ended at a bar called blue lotus, where the fines session was held and that will be described in detail. (As much as I could remember)

Bob – leaving the polo t shirts in Bangkok
Kirk – for wearing formal shoes whilst wearing his singlet and shorts at the stadium, scoring 2 tries.
Dave – for scoring a try on his first touch of the ball, first try scored for southerners
Jean – for talking too much when he was not the captain, for his Brazilian leather sandals
Joe and Damon – drinking with the right hand, new addition to the southerners’ clan, playing first game for us etc.
Dr. Ek and Sultan – for the most expensive tour laundry bill in southerners’ history.
Sultan – turning up at phuket airport late and looking like a Singaporean gangster.
The French – for being French
Most of those who were present – not being able to speak Thai

There was a lot more fines but I could not remember any. And bob came up with a new style of fining someone where there was the defendant and the prosecutor, think he took that off from JAG, that style did not work well for many as the accused still ended up drinking. The night went one the true southerners fashion of drinking and hopping from bar to bar, a few notable events were seen and noted during the course of the night,

• The dramatic last minute try of the Australia vs. Wales game.
• Q and Ek trying to take pictures with white farang girls
• Joe getting a bar girl drunk by getting her to drink countless numbers of tequila shots.
• Kirk showing off his calves.
• Callum being hit on by “cute” Thai chick.
• Ek trying to look at one of the girls’ boobs by manually removing her top.
• Ek again trying to slip his camera under a girls skirt so he could get an up skirt picture of her, cheeky doc yeah, I wonder how the nurses react to that
• Jenga!! , four in a row, jackpot
• Sod walking around with a pack of condoms in his pocket.
• Saigon geckos’ stickers on the bar top dancers’ bare ass cheeks.
• Spiderman and friends.
• Spartan wannabes
• “Convicts” dressed in black and white stripes being marched down soi bangla by the Spartans.
• A man wearing a Vietnamese dress winning the tour virgin pageant.
• The Frenchmen going off to bed early and not partaking in any of this ridicule.
• The “Spartans” capturing the southerners’ dancing spot in a club and by then my roommate was too pissed to walk straight so I had to take him back.
• My room mate and I politely refusing an offer from a cute Thai girl who went ” hey guys you want I drink with you in your room”

And finally a lot more happenings was seen but as I am bound by the all time tour oath of what happens on a tour stays on the tour, I would say the boys were all well behaved.

Day 2
Most of us were in bad shape and extremely late by the time we reached the stadium on day 2, as we entered the stadium the announcer went, “would the captains of the Dubai hurricanes and the southerners please come to the officials’ tent”! that was our coin toss!, we were playing in less then 10 minutes, we got into our gear gingerly as a lot of us would have appreciated a bit more rest time. We huddled around for the captain’s pep talk and we were told that the Dubai team were as pissed as we were also, having that thing in mind we set of after a final squeeze and we were on the receiving end, just before the kickoff, jean came up to my face, slapped me and said, “hit them hard!” all I could do was just nod, the slap did wake me up though!. So they kicked the ball to us, one of us caught it was tackled down very quickly by the hurricanes, and before we knew it they have won the ball and went on to score a try, the Dubai hurricanes proved to be a much stronger team then our side for the day as numerous tries were scored by them and we could not break their line at all, I stopped counting after 3 tries, final verdict, Dubai hurricanes 28- southerners 0.

We were knocked out of the plate rounds and the Dubai hurricanes went on to win the plate. The post game debriefing was also very sentimental and emotional as issues like the team being a family and the appreciation for the American boys who played for us was shown, Jean was seen close to tears as he was overwhelmed by the fact that though the world may hate the French, the Southerners learned to accept them and make them a part of us.

Most of us had booked the evening flights and we had all the time in the world to laze around in the beaches and watch rugby and the beer, Andy steel was seen playing for the bangers in the coffin dodgers finals and he even scored a try for them, the rest of us were wondering has he sold his soul to the older men’s team, and was his sole purpose of coming to phuket was to score a try for the bangers? Well just kidding mate. And the rest also made it a point that we should fine him for that, at the next available fine session. We lazed around till the cup finals and set out to the airport for our flight back home.

I would personally say that I truly enjoyed myself out there in phuket both on and off the field. Though we did not return with any hardware, we went as a team played as a team and left as a team. Am already looking forward to the next tour!

Tournament Report by Ben Hainsworth and Bob Ball

The 2007 Bangkok International 10s represented one of Asia’s premier Rugby Tournaments, with 32 teams competing in the two-day event. The Southerners were one of four local teams, with the remainder of the field being made up of Internationals, from as far as Canada, France and Australia.

The lead up to the 10s tournament for the Southerners was intense! Reed “The Whip” Passmore and co pilot, Marty O’Driscoll ensured that the administrative, physical and emotional levels of all players was at an all time peak (…we even had one full training session!). The focus in the lead up was not so much about the rugby, but more about the new team strip that O’Driscoll masterminded. From dress fittings, online voting for the final design and individualising the jersey, with players name, country flag and sponsors, some of the boys were considering renaming him, Marty ‘OCD’ Driscoll. Regardless, he delivered on his promise and at the beginning of the Tournament; the Southerners were the talk of the event, at least with respect to our impressive team kit and the rumor that Arny Schwarzenegger was going to make his rugby debut!

With the support of our sponsors, BJ Services, BDS Steel Detailers, SFA Chapter 3 Erawan, Herbert Smith and Pepsi we entered Pool G where we were to face up against the Cambodian Billabong Sharks, The Insead Singaporean Barbarians and the RBAC Thai University.

The first game on the Saturday was against the Billabong Sharks from Phnom Phen. Our presence was felt from the very beginning of the game, when Richie Perkins (aka Atkins Diet), who spread the ball to the backs and ended in the hands of speedster Josh “Jet” Black who crossed for the first of many tries over the weekend. This impressive team display was carried on with actually seven tries being scored by seven different players – it’s not often that 70% of the team scores! The final score was Southerners 36 – 5 Billabong Sharks.

The second game saw us play the Insead Singapore Barbarians. We faced a physically larger team, but again, from the kick off and through some excellent ball security from the forwards, we were over the line within the first minute. Once again Richie “Atkins Diet” Perkins, demonstrated what a man is capable of when you reduce your drinking, at least until, after pm and how a little fitness can lift your game. Richie went on to annihilate two of their forwards and was so fired up that he refused to be substituted by Manager, Neily Smith. With play makers, Reed Passmore and Jay breaking the defence at every chance, tries were soon awarded to relative newcomers Mark Chiswell, Calum Stevenson, Joel Gibson and Mark Anderson. The try line was also threatened on two occasions by a torpedoing Marty O’Driscoll, who unfortunately, on both occasions forgot to catch the ball before crossing the line. The final score read Southerners 46 – 0 Insead Singapore Barbarians.

Although riding a well deserved wave of confidence, the Southerners by no means underestimating their next opponents; the RBAC Thai University. With the loss of a few playmakers to the New Zealand Ball, the Southerners realised a tough next match against a fit, fast and unpredictable Thai University side. Taking to the pitch in the second last game of the day, with a rapidly setting sun, and even faster fading energy levels of the players, the Southerners were tested for the first time that day. The RBAC team, who later went on to take out the third division ‘Bowl’, crossed the line first to go one try up. The Southerners soon found themselves having to readjust their game plan to accommodate for their unpredictable opponents. Once this had been done, Jet Black hit a gap and scored in the far corner, levelling the scores before half time. Then Khun Gook scored to take the Southerners ahead. With only 1 minute to go before full time, a penalty was awarded to the Southerners and the deputy captain, Ben ‘Smonty’ Hainsworth was called to kick for touch. Slicing the ball off the side of the boot, the ball was taken with ease by the full back, the Thai equivalent to sprinter Michael Johnson who raced towards the try line, until Reed “Quickly to be Reinstated as Captain” Passmore, made a match winning tackle. With the sounding of the full time whistle the Southerners breathed a sigh of relief, with a final score of Southerners 12 – 5 RBAC Thai University.

*Note: Ben Hainsworth’s new official nick name competition names so far are 1: “the Hack” 2: “I should have used a five iron” 3: “Tiger Woods”

At the end of the first day, the Southerners, were clear winners in Pool G and were out rightly leading the competition based on points for and against. However, after a serious court session, in which all players were called to task for various acts of heroism, stupidity or transgender issues (i.e. Joel ‘Arnie’ Gibson with his soi 4 ‘Men’s Flex’ magazine), there was some ground swell to continue the celebrations and cash in the 1000 free beer vouchers at The Office. Meanwhile, Jay was performing the Haka at the Kiwi Ball and with Kris ‘beer wench” Harmstring offering support to anyone who was still standing, the team was starring down the barrel of a very slow and hung-over Sunday morning.

However, after a healthy team breakfast, consisting of a nutritious hamburger, meat pie and coke, the boys were geared up to take on French Asian Barbarians (FABS1) in the Quarter Finals. Now the Southerners Brains Trust at this stage thinks: 1. Give it all and play for the Cup 2. If we lose, play for the Plate. 3. If we loose again get pissed (all good and viable options). With Jean and Laurent sworn to silence during the game, for fear of a French war of words (gibberish!), we entered the match expecting a physical encounter. Again however, the combination of a very mobile forward pack, combining with some pace and good ball handling in the back line meant that we were always in control of the game. Final score Southerners 19 – 5 French Asian Barbarians

Following this game, the boys soon realised that there was no turning back: if we lost, we be knocked out of the tournament and with our next opponents had been earmarked as one of the teams to win the tournament! The New Zealand Legends were a technically and physically solid team and we knew it was going to be tough encounter. After rupturing my cerebellum from a head high tackle, my recollection of this game was a little blurry, but our defence was tested and we rose to the challenge, downing the Kiwi’s Southerners 21 – 12 NZ Legends.

Undefeated and having played all but one match on the main field, the Southerners were the resounding underdogs of the tournament, who, through some inspirational team work, communication, commitment and obvious rugby talent had found ourselves in the final of the International Bangkok 10s against hot favourites, The Australian Tomahawks. Consisting of an Ex – Wallaby, Australian-A, Australian School Boys and several first grade Sydney University players and a bunch of hardened Rugby League players, the Tomahawks were truly a physically and technically superior team. With a crowd of close to 1000, the Southerners were the home favorites and took to the field with a ‘give it your all’ attitude. With nerves running high, we made a few handling errors early which gave the Tomahawks an advantage and they capitalized! Through some excellent scrummaging and effective work around the ruck, the Tomahawks threw the ball wide and Jack Farrar crossed in the corner. Farrer combined with Sydney University teammate, Dan Lewinski, to put on four tries in the first half and the Tomahawks went ahead 26-0 at the half way mark.

After the break, the Southerners came out with a changed attitude, greater focus and determination! With some great forward work the Southerners gained possession early in the piece and sent the ball out to winger, Khun Gook who hit his straps down the grandstand side of the ground. With the crowd on their feet, Gook was gradually being chased down by four defenders, so he smartly decided to chip ahead and then toed the ball towards the try line. Within meters of the try line and 100% certainty that he was to score, he was pulled back by a very unsportsmanlike Tomahawk, who later admitted that it was a low act! A penalty was subsequently awarded and we continued to threaten their line. The break came from Reed, who after getting the ball from the lineout, ran towards the defense, stepped, dumbied and with a perfectly delayed pass, drew the defense in, created a gap and Jason Findley went barging through to score under the posts. Apart from that try the other noteworthy moments in the final, that the Bangkok Post and the Nation forgot to mention, was the fend of all fends from Jean-Marciel – otherwise referred to as “Palm Sunday” and the facial readjustment that Reed gave the Tomahawks captain (the only injuries that the Tomahawks sustained in the event were from the final against us! Three players were taken to hospital to receive stitches. Not encouraging violence in anyway, it was a sure sign that we gave everything we had to the Tomahawks!). Final score Southerners 7 – 26 Australian Tomahawks.

As the sun set over the Pattana grounds on Sunday night, the Southerners gathered together to reflect on the tournament. There were awards or fines (depending on which way you look at it) for Southerners debutants, for those who missed tackles, for the French (definitely a fine!), for playing for other teams during the competition, for memorable tries, for the organizers of the team and the weekend (i.e. Marty, Reed and Neil), and then there was some more punishment for being French! Overall, from a field of 32 teams, and being one of only 4 local teams, the Southerners boys had come together, bonded, had fun and played some great rugby and exceeded all expectations (mainly our own!). The success of the Southerners, both on and off the pitch, at the 2007 Bangkok International 10s represents an awesome start to the year ahead and highlights the strength of the club, which only has the potential to grow and be more successful in the future and I think we are all looking forward to it.

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Bangkok 10s Spectator Quotes for 2007 by Nicole Stanners

1. With a weekend of Rugby, a Kiwi Ball and certain 4 ex Southerner crazies in town from Hong Kong for the occasion, before the weekend even started a call was made in order to pace ourselves.
- “I think operation hydration is called for Mel (one drink, one water)…”

2. The fashion stakes were high from the word go! But maybe not the appropriate attire for something of this caliber…
- “You are all fined for wearing mini skirts!”
- “Hodgies rugby fashion update: sexy minis, heels n 24hr sunnies”
- “Someone just out bedazzled Hodgie!’
- “XXX, may chose never to wear a mini again after being picked up and thrown onto one of the Canadian guys shoulders…yes, one of the boys wearing the white satin jocks with the Canadian flag imprinted on the front”
- “Pregnant women are a turn on”

3. But the male attire even less appropriate� (especially the Canadian Team’s tight white speedos with maple leaves on the front)
- “Regarding the white speedos… I did a little research and was disappointed to find out the contents were less than impressive…(but I did receive a handy tip that number 2 on the clippers is better than shaving as it prevents ingrown hairs)…”

4. Some spectators were clearly trying to be fined with their enthusiastic show of support (or trying to get their friends fined!) or using that to their advantage..
- “Go Wagga�!”
- “Give me a J, give me an A�”
- “I am a thirsty spectator, I need a refill�I earned it”

5. As the weekend wore on the beer goggles did not fail us�no one falling prey to any randy players, only sexy ones�
- One Spectator was an avid supporter of the New Zealand team and apparently “Had the biggest smile on her face and copped the biggest fine of all because of this”
- One spectator was hit on by a Banger who had “seen her around at these things for many years”.
- On Sunday she was quoted as saying – - ” I have now officially been here for too long�where is my collection hat for my plane ticket out of here”
- And then on Monday – “Am about to now go Google the Bangers website and track down the aforementioned old bugger…. cheeky devil”

6. As dusk fell and with fine sessions happening for all teams, the spectators clearly felt left out so decided on two tactics to divert their attention and disrupt these sessions. Number 1 – A diversion and Number 2 – starting a far juicier fine session of their own.
- Number 1 Diversion Quote…
- “She streaked and was missed by a Jamboy, then tackled by a Southerner…”
- “I must say I quite enjoyed feeling the cool evening breeze tickling my nipples but was a bit taken aback by the grass rash on my bottom”
- “Always wear matching underwear”
- Number 2 Diversion Quote…
- “We need more beer there are too many fines here”
- At one point, the rugby teams tried their own diversion tactics to disrupt our fines session showing everyone that “Jamboys have manginas”
- However, our determination was strong, and many beers downed despite the teasing of “I remember when the Southerners were fun” being absolutely “USE-LESS” against several refusals of formerly “FUN” Southerner men to “take off your pants and dance, man, dance!”

7. As the night wore on, things got messier and the player more opportunistic
- “I am still disinfecting my mouth”
- ‘I am sure we can just leave the window open a crack so Ron can breath when we lock him in the car”
- “It ended with a “naked party” – yes N.A.K.E.D……every single one of the Tomahawks – old and young – the winning Aussie team – ripped off their kit and were dancing and playing pool!!!!!”
- “I know I get horribly slutty when I’m drunk, but I promise to stay away from your men!”

8. After the weekend was over, the call was made from a local
- “Thank god there is a year between these annual events!! It takes that long to reconstruct it”

9. From someone who was not present when it spiraled into a circus
- “Clearly I left way too early on Sunday!!!!!”

10. And one of the Hong Kong visitors
- “I think I missed the best part of the weekend. If there are any photo’s floating around, be sure to cc me in on them.”

11. Lastly, the breaking news is…
- “CLUB NEWS: Official notification and dubbing of the Southerner’s secondary watering hole “The Office”; hereafter to be referred to fondly by the Ladies Southerners as “The Orifice”. Ladies Southerners adopt new club theme song “Why are we waiting….” you know the rest.”



Sod testimonial Match, 4 February 2007
Match report by Martyn O’Driscoll (North) A beautiful Sunday for a game against your mates began with the Southerners et al separating into their two separate camps, those from the Northern Hemisphere on one side, and those from the Southern Hemisphere to go somewhere and count how few people they had amongst themselves.

A decision to change the name of the club to Northerners was disregarded as being stupid, something about the weather being better down South. After the South came begging for some players a few practice runs were had, everyone started to get excited and before you knew it the game was underway.

The rules were clearly explained to one and all in advance of kick-off by Cameron �Section 1, Paragraph 5� Sinclair. The main ones to note were 2 Golden Oldies classics: no kicking unless inside ones’ own 22, and non-contested scrums. Hence, every time Cameron received the ball a fine kick was produced.

The North put on plenty of early pressure up front, and was ferocious against the Souths� forwards – well after the game when they were all bitching about the ref anyway. After five minutes of the first half of the first third, Forty Two Black went over to put a fine try between the sticks, all too easily, and a conversion was to follow. The Northern forwards were bolstered by several highly evolved species from the Bangers, who contested strongly at the breakdown. During an early mid-field break, surrogate Southerner Bob Ball mauled Richie Perkins in a movement that looked more like a leaping bear attack than a tackle, collapsing Perk’s spindly Birmingham pins. The game continued. The Southern line-out was abysmal, despite Momo’s best efforts to handicap the North’s. They bit back when Southern Sinclair helpfully assisted Northerner Mike Harding to break free of two Southern tacklers, and fall over the line for a soft try.

It was about this time that Ultan turned up, slurring like Rocky Balboa, pumped and keen to dish out a few fighting Irish lessons on the hapless South. But with a wee shove from Smonty, the ref decided the North would be better without Ultan, reducing them to 14 players. Andy Steel also received his golden ticket later in the game. When asked why by those eager to learn what not to do he replied “it was a professional foul, I didn�t do anything really, just knocked the ball out of scrum halfs hands to give everyone a break, I reckon it was the right thing to do, stopped them scoring a try didn�t it?�. Later Andy could be heard announcing how the North had won the game based on total penalty count (and was seen trying to sneak back on by hiding his golden locks under a scrum cap)

Perkins pins made a swooping movement around someone who couldn�t take the pace and darted for an almighty try, putting the North ahead. The �mobile quick-reaction force� (otherwise known as the Northern forwards) were right behind Richie, at the half way line. Another flowing movement of note was Harmstrings spectacular leap of faith, a high pirouette to catch the ball before rolling over his tacklers shoulders. The game continued. The Norths backs kept themselves organised only to find hookers, props and people too tall always in the way to “disrupt the flow” along the back line. Old timer Pete Burgess squeezed his walking frame through a tiny gap between the front rowers, starting a flowing movement down the sideline that put Teru into open space, that resulted in most of the Southern forward pack subbing off for a breather after the chase down the paddock.

The game continued in the tird tird, as the young Southern back-line broke through the North at will. Kiwi Sam made a huge impression at fly-half, unloading to put George Black through again, and then sliding through for one himself. Jet Black also put in a good kick, but Joel Arnie Gibson’s muscular head charged it down. Sinclair also had one last kick (after an Adkins ‘school-boy’ fumble). Kirk Kahu ran strongly in the centres in the latter stages of the game, later earning the South’s praise as the Northern man of the match. Not long after the double triple waterbreak, the final whistle went, to the shock of the North, who clearly had dominated possession during the water breaks, and a sigh of relief was heard coming from the South.

Sod was the real winner, with over 23,000 Baht raised for his Darwin travelling kitty.

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