Saturday morning welcomed us with 30 plus temperatures and a bright blue sky. It was the start to a perfect day except when you then realize you are playing netball on an outdoor court where there is no shade. We managed to round up sunscreen and our energy levels for an hour of netball in the blistering sun. The Southerners didn’t let the home ground advantage get them down (despite the fact our regular season is played in an air conditioned stadium – so spoilt!) or the fact we had no spare players (compared to Bedok’s 4 or 5 subs). In true Southerners spirit we were pumped and ready to go down fighting.

For the first 5 minutes of the game, Bedok dominated. There was a brief moment when a few of us thought “we’re in all sorts of trouble” but after we had warmed to the heat by the 8 minute mark, Nic Hodge and Kristina had scored some fine goals and the defence team, consisting of Joey and Rania, had managed some superb intercepts and rebounds to help give Southerners a chance.

By the second quarter we had settled into more of a rhythm! The Southerners hit the lead and by half time we were up by 20 goals. Dana’s ‘bullet’ passes out of the middle helped set the pace, while Joy and Liv worked hard on the wings.

Despite a few injuries (a sprained ankle, cramps and a jarred finger to name a few!) and sporting very red faces (with Hodgy and Liv leading the line up) nothing was going to stop the Southerners team as we all strived for a victory. Bedok were struggling to get a goal in the second half due to our tight defence. Joey’s consistent game, combined with Rania’s constant interceptions made for a cracking combination.

Despite Bedok cheekily snatching a few of our center passes in the final quarter and their late strategy move – with the GD dropping back to block our GS at the center pass – it was too little too late. When the final siren sounded, the score proved a convincing win for the Southerners 50 – 22.

Bedok shouted us burgers and margaritas at a local favorite, BB’s at Clarke Quay. Later that evening the party moved back to Clarke Quay where the ladies really found out what the local term ‘sausage fest’ was all about…

The success of this trip for both teams has resulted in Bedok and the Southerners planning a trip to Hanoi in July ’07. Stay Tuned.

Southerner’s A-team
GS Kristina Zanic
GA Nicole Hodgson
WA Joy Manalansan
C Dana Piggott
WD Liv Thwaites
GD Joey Kukielka
GK Rania Burns

[Show as slideshow]

[View with PicLens]

The Southerners trip to Pattaya started with that old clich? of all touring sides, the panic for numbers. At one stage we were missing an entire front row until rescued by a work colleague of marty’s, Dave who after much technical discussion conceded yes, he could throw a bit, conversation over ‘You’re in!’. . So with this first hurdle vaulted 12 intrepid souls gathered in the carpark at NIST for what had be billed by the tour captain Ultan ‘never exaggerated anything in my life‘ Peters as the stuff that will go down in Southerners legend. Our team was then depleted by a carpark call off from Ben Hainsworth.

Before departing south one of the ‘thinkers’ of the party reminded us that we needed to wait for Neil to come past with the kit. Neil duly arrived to deliver said kit and words of paternal advice that would be solid for any touring Southerners team ‘Don’t lose any kit and for god’s sake don’t give Ultan the map’. Sound advice…

Ultan then introduced the tours beer bitches to their outfits and their duties for the weekend. Joel got a delightful red t-shirt which declared he was an ‘Ultaholic’ a common affliction in certain parts of Canada, Ultan assured us, and Callum got a red tellytubbies outfit. After much discussion it was decided that it wasn’t the one that carried the handbag…

We weren’t on the road long before the first alarm bells began to ring, it was discovered that Joel had bought a ‘book’ with him. Fears were abated when it was discovered that it wasn’t a proper book but actually an encyclopaedia of bodybuilding written by Arnold Schwarzenegger. New fears were then raised when the realities of the books content sunk in (greased up semi naked men). The incident produced the first entry in the fines and we hadn’t left Sukhumvit yet. The rest of the journey south was a fairly quiet affair with the discussions ranging mainly around the state of peoples hangovers and where the hell we were going to find two props between Bangkok and Pattaya?? As we hit traffic and kick off loomed ever closer Richie was determined that the agreed pre-match lie down at the hotel would be adhered to, before heading out to Horseshoe Point.

Richie got his way and we left our hotel slightly refreshed and on to Horseshoe Point. On the journey there Ultan finalised his line up for the match, the pinnacle of his selection process was when he challenged me to a game of stone, paper, scissors to see who was going to play in the front row….(Could England be looking to this Irish/Canadian to manage them to world cup glory???)

On arrival we were slightly perturbed that the Panthers seemed to be warming up, so we hit the ground running, more to do with our lateness due to Richie’s sleeping and Marty’s tour halting toilet stop! Much to our delight not only did the Panthers have extra players but they had extra props!!! (I mean what team has extra props!!) So we graced the field with a full compliment. It would seem that our tour captain’s tactics of arriving late and not bringing enough players would actually set us in good stead. Our first score came early on from a tap penalty taken quickly by Marko to Richie who danced (ploughed) through the broken defence line to score by the posts. This shock score raised morale dramatically and Kirk even converted to give us a solid start to the game. Players settled in, Dave, held true to his word and could throw a bit, and Jean had his catching gloves on in the lineout, which was lucky as he was our only option.

After a strong start the order in which the scores came blurs in my memory, partially due to the pace and guile which they were executed and partially due to me being so far behind that all I saw were the smiles on the way back to the halfway. As a run through, Paul worked hard at stand off pulling in a hat-trick of tries with some good straight lines and some solid kicking out of hand, although he did manage to kick one penalty dead from about the halfway line. We were all deeply impressed with how far he could kick the ball, although next time if got touch, that would be better…. One of our front row converts Morca, of British Club fame, was so delighted to be fulfilling a childhood dream of playing for the southerners (he told me as much) that he surged through a number of tackles to dot down nicely under the posts. I think this one was also converted by Kirk, as the later scores were further out and both kickers, Paul and Kirk weren’t so interested. Something to do with wind conditions or the wrong kind of kicking tee…

As we progressed into the second or third half(??) the score was mounting, so then began talk of more expansive play, chucking the ball around etc…this was met with much nodding in the huddle. After all, some people had travelled all the way from Bangkok to see us play. So to no great surprise the next ball out to the backs ended up on the ground. Shouts of ‘For Fu(ks sake just put it though the hands’ then went ringing along the line. Expansive rugby over. However it was not all bump and grind, there were two good backs tries scored by Marko and Callum, so the ball must have been getting out somehow? Joel also went on some bullocking runs down the middle, which I don’t think his opposite number greatly appreciated. Marty however, did provide us with the best non-catch of the day! The movement of ball from Jean to Ultan then out to him was truly a thing of beauty. To be honest, I think he was just stunned. There was even a captain’s try as Ultan took an unexpected pass from a quick penalty on the 5m line to wrestle the ball down against three defenders.

The final score rounded off at 44 – 0 a result which we were delighted to achieve. Our thanks go to the boys at Pattaya Panthers for a good game and for inviting us down. It must be said they had the most fantastic age range of players I have ever witnessed on a rugby field. From there youngest lad 16, to there president in his sixties who had a bash in the front row. It shows what great club spirit they have and I hope that the talk of a return fixture will be carried through in the New Year.

Aprés rugby, we enjoyed some much needed drinks in the pool. Their President modelled some of the most disturbing Speedos I’ve ever seen (Neil are these official club president wear?), Richie received the Panthers ‘My Big Clock’ award for there selection as MVP. We then retired to our hotel pool for our fines or ‘awards’ session, as rebranded by Ultan. Then out into town to meet our hosts for some much needed tucker. Needless to say we got lost again after Marty and Marko getting directions from a drunk welshman drinking in a bar which seemed to be situated in our hotel car park!!! Thankfully we were rescued and Richie returned the Panthers clock, not before he had left it in the first bar we went to. Special… There was a discussion of some interest that a Russian dance group was in town, but we guessed it had to be ballet, as that was the only Russian dancing any of us had heard of. Too cultured for us………The Panthers were also nice enough to provide us with a guide, who was greatly needed due to our desire to lose ourselves at every opportunity. This was especially nice as said guide had been forced to leave the field of play due to Ultan and Richie having tried to knock him in two, with a well timed double hit. But he didn’t seem to bear a grudge….

Darrel Lintott

[Show as slideshow]

[View with PicLens]

A small group of die hards continued the trend of Friday night train trip (vis a vis Laos) but a band of a few less inspired by the Lonely Planet-esk nature of such a journey opted for budget air travel. Friday night saw a reccy mission engaged by 4 of the troupe on arrival… MOM Black, Ultan The Brokeback Cowboy, the ever styled Rich Perkins and Harmston… there was cabaret, more cabaret (all good clean fun I might add) and as a fitting finale to the night… an awesome display from the Cowboy demonstrating his prowess as a champion Irish/Canadian hurler (even put Doran to shame).

Saturday morning adjournment to pre-game rub down from CM’s finest massage aunties got the morning off to a positive start. By the time we arrived at the home ground of the Sua’s we were ready for action.

On the field Southerners ground out an impressive 17-5 win with tries to Perkins, MOM Black and Harmston (after an 11 year hiatus from the game I might add) but a team effort was the key to success… the forwards: consistent winning of line-out ball (Jean M), a notable 40m rolling mall and strong pick & drive support play… the backs: a good kicking game, solid defence in the centres (Cowboy, Bai, Sod) and 2 tries forged from backline passing play.

Court session presided over by Judge Judy Jones back at the Downtown Inn got the evening off to a well oiled opening. The welcome mat was thrown out by our gracious hosts at the UN Irish Bar which featured no less than the dinner/ trophy presentation and then (from my memory) order of events… vodka jugs, arm wrestling competition, shooters, break dancing competition, shooters, darts competition, shooters, and an important “rite of passage” on a Southerner on tour – the ‘Mossy Chokehold’. From here it was a 20 person ride in the back of a Ute to Horizons nightclub where things got a little crazy. Let none further be written but let it be said, out of all bad must come some good – the birth of the CM Torrrre cry:

“I fight for Southerners! Where is My Captain?”

If not enough action for the weekend the following day saw the Southerners Rugby sides debut on the cricket field… the Cowboy made an excellent batting debut accompanied at the crease by North American counterparts Rollin and Andy. The Rugby boys again ground out another win against the local CM side.

The inaugural Chiang Cok Cup match was well supported by Southerners fraternity with special mentions to Vaughny and the Colonel for their ever-present support to the boys on and off the field for the entire weekend. Secondly a big cheers to organiser Cam Sinclair who orchestrated a seamless weekend and a torrre not to be missed when it comes around next.

Footnote: The Chiang Cok Cup is currently undergoing some repairs (after putting in a solid Saturday night) but will appear in the cabinet sometime soon.

[Show as slideshow]

[View with PicLens]

Report: Cone San Road Torr Slash Muff-Show dot com 2005

Lead-up: Boys were nervous. Some didn’t show. Dress code adhered to well. Good crowd.

Mid Way: Smooth sailing. One man cotched already. Good following of groupies. No one arrested. Everyone slowly breaking. Bugs eaten. Kitty proving a winner.

Outcome: Great night which descended into chaos as the torr became leaderless, Chang and Sangsom took their toll and soi 1 bore the brunt. Boys happy, locals relieved, girls off the hook.

Guys, what a night. The Southerners annual Khao San road tour proved yet again to be a highlight on the social calendar in Bangkok. It was very well attended and the spirit in which the lads and lasses took part was exceptional.

The whole debacle started at Livingstone’s at 7am where we warmed up. Jones turned up in his girlfriend’s technicolour skin tight top which made some sick and hypnotized others. The rules were read, kitty sorted and we made our way for to the sky train and National Stadium. The trip proved uneventful this year since no-one was pushed onto the tracks prompting the emergency stoppage of trains. In true backpacker style we tuk tuked it to Cone San in convoy and first stop was The Hole in the Wall, a veritable Cone San institution. Resembling a Beirut bomb shelter from the 90′s, this spectacularly dingy ‘bar’ saw the introduction of Sangsom fines. Charges were called and fines administered with one unlucky reveler experiencing his come back out his nose. The rest of that stop had him in the bathroom cotching and snorting water in a desperate attempt to flush out the burning spirit. He was fined again for this…

Following ‘The Hole’ we managed to impose ourselves on a few different bars where we managed to pick up some groupies, fine people, eat bugs and generally be loud and obnoxious. Eventually we stumbled up into an Irish bar where highlights included Ultan harassing various birds and scaring everyone with his hat, Ron spading some chicks in the corner and impressing them with stories of his work saving the unique freshwater dolphin species of the lower Mekhong – until he realised they knew something about that and asked him to reflect on the state of the erosion caused by recent flooding and it’s effect on the dolphins. Ron then left. James and Fred were seen trying kiss later on – or so the photos would have us believe – and everyone else was generally acting drunk and trying to pick up girls. Except for Wagga who wondered off for an early night and has since copped it for rendering the torrr leaderless…

That’s all from me guys since I left early and was too drunk to remember much else anyway…

There were a few minor hiccups at the border. 2 people were detained. I believe it was because Thailand was worried they were losing 2 scenic beauties but with words and promises as sweet as their looks the boys managed to catch up with the team on the Laos side.

Laos is a very interesting place. Before I arrived here in Thailand, in my ignorance, I pictured Bangkok exactly how Laos is, unpaved streets, gutted buildings, contrasted with scenic beauty and Soi dogs chewing their guts out. Cameron gave us a tour of buildings he didn’t like. It seemed everyone wanted to add to the tour by adding little nuggets of information like “Laos is one of the poorest countries in the world.” This fact did not surprise me, but what did shock me was when I we were told “it is the most bombed nation on the planet.” This may no be true now thanks to Iraq but it seems that during the Vietnam War planes couldn’t land with live bombs so they would drop them over Laos. Good times.

Our rugby game went well. We thumped our hosts (led by an impressive 3 try performance by Ron, and 1 by Me, my first ever so I have to mention it!) then quickly went to the pub so the Aussie and South African teammates could watch their countries play each other in the Tri-nations tournament.

The night progressed as one does when they are out with a rugby team with a few twists. When searching for an after hours bar with my Italian teammate we got lost and ended up in the middle of nowhere. Luckily, a band of militia (sic) came by and were able to point us in the right direction. From there we ended up at an all night bowling alley. It had 10 lanes and was packed, as it was the only place selling booze at that hour. It was 2am and I was about to keep drinking and rent bowling shoes on the recommendation from a man in overalls with an M-16, it was at this point I realized I needed to go home. In the morning I realized the whole drunken day cost me less than 1000baht. God Bless Laos!

And so it was…
Location: Royal Bangkok Sports Club, Nung Lern
Theme: Hat
Conditions:
Temp: Hot, real hot.
Humidity: 120%.
Breeze: Not a breath
First Race: 12.20pm
Last Race: 5.40pm
Stand: The terraces.
Local Crowd: Men: 99.9%.
Women .05%.
Stray Dogs .05%
Beers: Cold n’cheap
Danger Level :High
Hydration: Low
Likely Result: Broken

Given the task ahead it was deemed unwise to go in unprepared. A clever rendezvous was arranged at Gullivers on Khao San road for 11am to settle the nerves and plan our assault. A few cold ones later, introductions, a giggle at everyone’s hat, and some boring diatribe from the racing ‘experts’, and the winsome crowd made their way to the track.
Flemington, Royal Ascot, or Happy Valley, Nung Lern is not. This is not a place you go to ‘be seen’. There are no lovelies in their see-through summer dresses (well not until the Southerners girls arrived), or dapper men in suits (until James turned up), or fancy bars serving European beer and unpronounceable food. This is real racing where old Chinese men with binoculars and scribbled-on race guides come to stand on concrete terraces and bet on the horse arranged to win that race. I mean pick a winner… And there ain’t a thoroughbred to be seen. Win and place bets only keep it simple and an English race guide helps those while they can still see.
And so the day begins. The first bead of sweat drips off Jacques nose, Jones & Dick Moron form a syndicate, Gareth goes hard early, and the women take the strain. JD buys the Singha beers and it’s on. Ice comes thick and fast but it’s not enough. The day heats up. Someone saw a water but it was a mirage. Make-up runs and no one cares. Hats are soaked and put back on. Bets are placed and a few winners emerge, Karen is in there.
The smarter crowd heads off for some Khao Mun Gai or Kwai Teow but the real punters stay behind. There’re form guides to study and beers to drink. While the horses sit in the barriers for 20 minutes and the jockeys presumably try to remember who’s supposed to win, we wait for the green light flashing tickets in hand. It’s an idle moment and attention naturally turns to the hats. The full spectrum is represented here, from Wagga’s Arab headdress to Scoop’s grandmother’s tea cosy, we look a treat. There’s the girls with their boa-decorated summer hats, Jones regal in the Burger King crown, JD with his conical Vietnamese rice farming shade and Justa in his trademark clown hat. Your basic milliner’s nightmare.
The day carries on and typical of Southerner’s mores, everyone has a great day. Highlights were the beer and racing, and the hats of course, but also the new comers representing Jabulani, AIT and the teaching frat – there to sample some of our hospitality.
At this point everyone’s pretty jolly and typical of every weekend night for some; don’t know when to call it a day. So it’s on to the Dubliner. Symptoms of sunstroke and sever dehydration start to become apparent to most. A group drip is suggested but dismissed. More beer is drunk. The evening starts to go in super-slow mode until two clowns start to wrestle in the ‘Battle of the Boa’ and liven things up. But that’s another story…

Conclusion : Top day

Lessons : Take a drip next year

Result : Now a fixture on the BKK social calendar; ranked 33^rd in Conde Naste ‘100things to do before you die’; voted ‘Most Fun Foreigners’ by the Royal Bangkok Turf Club social committee; and soon to form it’s own Chamber of Commerce.

-Southerners Social Committee

[Show as slideshow]

[View with PicLens]