By Ben “Agggghhhhh that’s not a fish, this is a fish” Hainsworth

General Bob Ball, ‘Henry Rollins’ Miller, Mark ‘the carp’ Anderson, Marty “the pimp who brings 2 ladies along to bait the hooks” O’Driscoll and I tackled some of Bangkok’s largest deep sea monsters last weekend.

Upon arrival at Bangkok’s largest fish pond we were confronted with the sight of a local guide and expat chest deep in the murky water wrestling a fish that was so big there was no way of dragging it out of the water – it seriously would have weighed close to 100kgs. With one quick look at this, the boys skulled a few XXXX beers – kindly flown in by the US Army, especially for the event and got stuck into the action.

After getting settled into our luxury style bungalow on the water – TV, fridge, deck chairs, card table and of course Marty’s 2 wives, we were into the action. Within minutes we had a double hook up – with the fish that is! Marty had to be buckled into a harness as he was getting dragged closer and closer to the waters edge. But finally, after wearing these bastards out and vice versa, we had the monsters to the surface…

Next problem, like the guy at the start, was getting the things on land! Thankfully the bungalow next door lent us their net, which we very soon realised was too small…so we steered the fish’s head into the net and then two of us grabbed the tail and heaved it onto the landing deck….these things were the fattest, ugliest, possibly the most docile things ever to have lived in water…

A quick vote on the weight, resulted in a unanimous decision of around 50kgs a piece.

At the end of the day, as the sun was setting, and the XXXX was quickly disappearing we had landed 3 of the largest cat fish we had ever seen and had a great day out!

So until next Southerners Fishing Tournament, start watching copies of ‘Rex Hunt Fishing Adventures”, practice your casting (Marty invented a new method of ear piercing) and try wrestling Momo for practice landing these deep sea slugs.

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