The Southerners Squad


My First Tour Report

Scott Oltmann

In the wise words of our ginger captain, the scores for the first four games of the tournament were, “Something to 0”.

In the first test, we played a team and won. The score was 20-something to 0. Joe started off the game with a 60-something meter look-at-my-quads run to put our first points up of the tournament. Play, our youngest player, made dad proud (Sod) by scoring more than he did.

The second test was against a French team and we won (a few tries to 0). Players tackled, players defended, players scored. An Honorable Mention to Patricio for making it out to the tournament. Unfortunately, he was injured during this match and was not able to continue (best not to mention how). His support from the sideline was greatly appreciated.

The third test was, again, won (20-something to 0). Sod (aka “Brett” aka “cuzzie” aka “golden foot”) made a tremendous effort this game. Upon scoring, “Brett” took the courageous initiative by attempting to convert his try. Fortunately, the attempt was made easier due to touching down in between the posts, allowing him to kick within 5 meters straight on. Here’s were instant replay would come in handy. Apparently, a heavy head-on wind came at the exact moment “Brett’s” boot made contact with the ball, forcing its momentum to fizzle out and die. No conversion was made. Bleasey’s reaction looked something like this


Bleasey kept saying that each match we played would get harder and harder, by the fourth test he was finally right. This battle of Good vs. Evil was played against the Bangers-French team. But with another solid game of defense and a couple of tries, their overpowering stench and weird accents was no match for the Southerners, pulling away with another shutout.


The carpet really does match the drapes

Heading to the grand final, the team spent their time relaxing, and eating. The championship game put the Southerners to the test. Not one team had scored against us in the tournament. Although labeled as the underdogs of the match, we knew we had the squad to pull off a win. Unfortunately, after a hard fought match, the Rhinos came away with the victory (20-0). Ironically, a Southerner player had two of the conversions, only he was wearing the wrong colours. With a little imagination and Patrick’s logic, we can conclude that the Southerners really did win the final (2 tries to 1).


After an overall outstanding performance in the tournament, the team headed back for the fines session.

In bullet point format:

• The redheaded captain fined and people drank.
• Martin sneaking off to eat his sandwich and ice his face and ego.
• Jit cramped up and couldn’t swim. Fortunately, Pan was there to give him an authentic Thai massage (both parties appeared satisfied).
• Play did an excellent job of being the designated beer waiter even though he drank a massive amount.
• Santiago did well, as well, and was also buzzing, but from good vibes. For some reason he refused to take his shirt off at the pool…
• The fine session continued to the lobby where Bleasey tattooed BJC on Sod’s stomach. A bit challenging on such a protruding canvas.
• Thai boys with painted faces while others were tied together, things got weird.

*After the fine session it was off to the dinner (main course- Treats):

• Everyone was there, including a rooster and The King himself, Elvis.
• There was great food, more drinks, and even more shenanigans.

* A night out

• Louie graciously financed most of the night with his winnings from the casino. This might not have happened had he spent the $240 on a cardboard cutout of Elvis. I think the voice of reason was Darrel’s.
• The rest of the night was a bit of a haze: people disappearing, reappearing, not reappearing, punching poor, little hotel workers, ripping out telephones, bribing authorities, and so on; the usual as it were.

All in all, the tournament was a success. We went 4-1, capturing more silverware to add to the 2013 season’s collection (assuming Bleasey hasn’t lost it yet).



© 2013, Garrison Photographic, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

© 2013, Garrison Photographic, Phnom Penh, Cambodia

© 2013, Garrison Photographic, Phnom Penh, Cambodia